


i want you now and forever

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 13:57:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17184293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Luhan has always been an obedient son. Everything that his parents tell him to do, he will surely follow. Going against his parents’ words has never been a choice for him. Even if it means sacrificing his wants, needs and happiness, he will do anything in his power to please his parents and obey their words.





	i want you now and forever

**Author's Note:**

> hi, this is my entry for twin flamed fic fest and i wrote it based on prompt #12 :
> 
> Luhan, now a husband and a father, finds the Cartier bracelet from years ago and wears it for the sake of happy times. When he wakes up the next morning, he's in Sehun's arms once again.
> 
> warnings; character death, vague homophobia
> 
>  
> 
> keep your expectations low.

Luhan has always been an obedient son. Everything that his parents tell him to do, he will surely follow. Going against his parents’ words has never been a choice for him. Even if it means sacrificing his wants, needs and happiness, he will do anything in his power to please his parents and obey their words.

 

Now, Luhan is a 28 year old father. He is married to a woman that his parents have selected for him; Hui Yin. Hui Yin is an admirable woman; she has a gentle heart and an admirable personality. Honestly, Luhan would have been able to fall for her if it isn’t for the fact that his heart has already been taken by another person.

 

Oh Sehun.

 

The name that means a lot to Luhan. The name of the person that he has to let go because going against his parents’ words will never be a choice to him. Sometimes, Luhan wonders if he did the right thing by ending things with Sehun. He loved - no, he loves Sehun with every beat of his heart and every breath that he takes but he has learned it in the hard way that to love someone doesn’t mean that you have to be with them. There are times that Luhan questions his choice for letting Sehun go, that he feels like he has made a mistake when he told Sehun that he was going to marry someone that is not him. Yet, as soon as he thinks about his family and all of the people that he would lose if he were to choose Sehun, he is convinced that letting go of Sehun was the right thing to do. If he chose Sehun, he would lose his family, relatives and probably some of his friends too. There are too many people to lose if he insisted on being with Sehun. Sehun is only one person. Losing one person shouldn’t hurt as much as losing your entire family and loved ones, right?

 

Despite the fact that Luhan keeps telling himself the same thing over and over again, he can’t help but thinking that when he ended things with Sehun, his world caved in. Sehun was his lover, companion, best friend and his everything. When Sehun left, all that was left with Luhan was a few pieces of his heart. There is no one else to be blamed but himself.

 

 

※※※

 

 

“Baba, what is this?”

 

Luhan hears his daughter; Ying ask him while holding a bracelet in her tiny hand. Luhan zeroes in his gaze on his daughter while alternately looking at the piece of jewelry.

 

“It’s baba’s bracelet, Ying. Give it to me? Where did you find it?”

 

“I was searching for my barbie doll at the other room and I found it in the bottom of the drawer, baba”

 

Taking a few steps forward to reach her father, Ying lightly lets the bracelet fall on Luhan’s bigger hand. She watches in curiosity as her father puts it on and she doesn’t miss the loving smile on Luhan’s face as he caresses the bracelet.

 

“Does that bracelet mean a lot to you, baba?”

 

Luhan looks down on his daughter and he realizes how irresistibly cute Ying is while looking at him curiously, waiting for a reply. He pulls her toward him and when Ying has settled down comfortably on his lap, Luhan places a soft kiss on her left cheek, smiling when Ying pouts because her father is still not answering her question.

 

“It does mean a lot, Ying”

 

“Is it from mama, then?”

 

Luhan’s face hardens for a few seconds before he quickly schools it back to his smiling face.

 

“Nope. It’s from a friend”

 

“Oh. A special friend?”

 

Luhan raises his eyebrow at that.

 

“Baba, you look at it with clear adoration on your face!”

 

“I do?”

 

“Yes, you do!”

 

Luhan cackles at that and he nods.

 

“Yes, from a special friend.”

 

 

※※※

 

 

 

That night, Luhan sleeps with the bracelet still wrapped fittingly around his wrist. Hui Yin sees it and she knows that bracelet means a lot to Luhan, she has seen him looking at it adoringly a few times when they just started living together but she doesn’t say anything about it.

 

※※※

 

“Lu?”

 

Luhan wakes up to someone prodding on his cheek and he groans, obviously not pleased at the intrusion. He swats the intruder’s hand away and for a few seconds, it was peaceful until the intruder decided to start poking on his cheek again and keeps calling for his name.

 

“Lu!”

 

Luhan moans in distaste.

 

“Hui Yin, stop that!”

 

“Hui Yin?”

 

The other person repeats after him but it sounds more like a question to Luhan. What is Hui Yin doing? After a few seconds of pondering, Luhan blinks awake when he realizes that the person doesn’t sound like Hui Yin at all. He also realizes in horror that he is laying on someone’s arm and slowly, he brings his gaze to the person’s face.

 

And what he sees greatly surprises him.

 

“OH SEHUN?!”

 

 

※※※

 

 

 

Luhan doesn’t believe this at all. This can’t be happening, right? Why is Sehun on his bed? When did he come? How did he get inside his room without Luhan knowing? Luhan has so many questions that need answers.

 

“Hmm, Lu? It’s really you? Am I dreaming?”

 

Weird, Luhan thinks. Why does Sehun sound so surprised? If there’s someone who should be surprised, it is Luhan. Luhan ignores Sehun’s questions. Also, Luhan realizes belatedly that he’s still laying on Sehun’s arm so he quickly gets up and oh god, why is he shirtless? Luhan covers himself up with the blanket and his eyes settle on Sehun who is still watching him curiously.

 

“Why are you here, Sehun? How did you get inside my room?”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“I said, why - “

 

Luhan stops himself when he sees Sehun’s raised eyebrow and he groans when he sees that Sehun is shirtless as well.

 

“What? Why do you look at me like that?”

 

“Luhan, do you have any ideas where you are, right now? Also, why are you behaving weirdly?”

 

“You’re the weird one, I mean you -”

 

“Lu, look around”

 

Luhan glares at Sehun for interrupting him but when Sehun nods his head to encourage him to do as he said, Luhan sighs and he looks around. Again, what he sees greatly surprises him.

 

This is definitely not his room.

 

 

※※※

 

 

“Seriously, Sehun, what is happening?”

 

Luhan asks for the nth times while Sehun is making breakfast for both of them. The younger’s broad behind is facing him. Luhan notices that Sehun has grown taller over the years that they have spent apart but he can’t help but also notice that Sehun seems thinner. Has he been eating well?

 

“Sehun?”

 

Luhan calls out again, gently this time and Sehun turns around to look at him.

 

“Lu, we are married”

 

Luhan almost falls off his chair when Sehun drops his answer.

 

“Sehun, it’s not funny”

 

Sighing while putting the scrambled eggs on Luhan’s plate, Sehun assures him that it is not a joke.

 

“I’m serious, Lu. I don’t know what is happening with you. Perhaps a temporary amnesia or some sort but we are married. You’re Oh Luhan”

 

Luhan feels like the world has stopped and all he can hear is the rapid beats of his heart. What is happening? Why is he not in his house? Why is he suddenly married to Sehun and become Oh Luhan? He lifts his gaze and unsurprisingly, he finds Sehun looking at him intently.

 

“You don’t trust me, do you?”

 

Sticking his tongue out to lick his lips, Sehun drums his fingers on the table and seemingly to be deep in thoughts. Luhan wonders what is going through his head before he hears Sehun let out a small “Ah” and before he knows it, Sehun is already making his way to his room. He comes back a few minutes later with a photo album in his hands.

 

“What is that?”, he questions but Sehun only smiles at him before putting the photo album in front of him.

 

“Open it”

 

So, Luhan does as Sehun said. He flips through the photo album and all he can see are pictures of himself with Sehun, smiling happily. There are pictures of them having vacations, graduations, in restaurants and when Luhan gets to the few last pages, he finds pictures of him and Sehun wearing wedding suits and exchanging rings.  _What is happening?_

 

Luhan’s hands shake and his lips quiver because he is indeed married to Sehun but he doesn’t know what happened that led to this? Where is Hui Yin? Where is Ying? How did he get here? Luhan is clueless and that scares him because at the moment, he cannot tell if he is dreaming or not.

 

Sehun who has been quietly watching Luhan lets out a sigh and he reaches over to pinch Luhan on the arm, completely taking the other man off guard.

 

“Ouch! What are you doing?”

 

Sehun shrugs.

 

“It seems to me like you’re wondering whether this is a dream or not. I was helping you realize that it is not”

 

Luhan stays silent at that and looking at nothingness, he randomly remembers Stephen Hawking and his theories about alternate universes. Could it be that Luhan is in another universe?  
“Hey…Lu?”

 

Sehun calls him softly and Luhan turns his head toward him and he sees the scared look on Sehun’s face. When Sehun leans forward and rests his hand on Luhan’s cheek, Luhan is only realizing now how much he missed Sehun and his touch. This Sehun might not be his Sehun but it makes Luhan’s heart flutter when he thinks that in another universe, Sehun is Luhan’s and Luhan is Sehun’s.

 

“Are you afraid of me? Do you not want to be here…with me?”

 

Sehun whispers softly while his thumb strokes Luhan’s cheek and he searches his gaze.

 

“Are we okay?” he asks again.

 

Maybe it’s because Luhan misses Sehun too much or maybe it is because Luhan has never actually gotten over Sehun but with the man here, stroking his cheek gently and looking at him with pure love in his eyes, Luhan can’t find it in himself to say ‘no’. Hence, he lets out a soft smile and he puts his hand on top of Sehun’s.

 

“Yes, Sehun. We are okay.”

 

 

※※※

 

 

 

Luhan doesn’t know what is he doing being stuck here in this universe. Not only that, he is also deceiving this Sehun. He lets Sehun believe that he is the same person that Sehun got married to. He wonders what happened to the Luhan in this universe? Did they exchange places? The other Luhan is with Hui Yin and Ying right now? He needs to find ways to go back to his universe but how is he going to do that? His thoughts get interrupted when Sehun plops down on the seat next to him on the couch. Letting out an awkward smile, Luhan silently hopes that Sehun will not notice that he is behaving weirdly. Hearing a chuckle, Luhan whips his head to the side and stares at Sehun with his eyebrow raised while mouthing a What?

 

“You don’t have to fake being comfortable with me. I know you haven’t fully gone back to your usual self, Lu. Don’t pretend”

 

Lightly chewing on his bottom lip, Luhan looks at Sehun apologetically and Sehun shakes his head slowly at that.

 

“Don’t look at me with such an apologetic look. I’m not mad at you and you have nothing to be sorry for” he says and reaching over to take Luhan’s soft hand in his calloused one, he continues;

 

“Lu, I won’t force myself on you until you are back to your usual self. Don’t worry about that. I will wait until you are ready to accept me into your life again”

 

Staring at their hands, Luhan nods in understanding. There is nothing that he can do for now because whether he likes it or not, he is still trapped in this universe. With Sehun smiling at him adoringly, Luhan is convinced that it won’t be too hard for him to get used with living here for a while.

 

 

※※※

 

 

Luhan learns that Sehun is an editor for a fashion magazine. That explains the stylish outfits that he has in the closet. It reminds Luhan of his Sehun. He is also very passionate in fashion.

 

Apparently, Luhan in this universe works as a lyricist and he mostly spends his time at the office in their house. Sehun tells him not to rush in going back to work and Luhan agrees. Work is not his main concern at the moment and also, he would rather not interfere with the other Luhan’s work.

 

Feeling like he has nothing else to do, Luhan opts to being a homemaker even if he is kind of terrible at it. Sehun assures him that he does not need to do anything for him but Luhan does not like the feeling of being too dependent on someone. He tells Sehun about that one day and Sehun smiles while mumbling, “Of course, You would think that way.Luhan being Luhan.”

 

Despite not feeling fully comfortable around each other, they still sleep together every night while keeping an appropriate distance from each other on the bed. Luhan finds out that Sehun has a habit of sleeping without his shirt. Just like his Sehun.

 

Overall, it has been great for Luhan. He is slowly getting used to Sehun being in his life again but it does not fully erase the guilt that he feels when he remembers how much he has hurt the Sehun in his universe. He feels undeserving of Sehun’s love, even in another universe.

 

 

※※※

 

 

 

“Luhan, do you want to go somewhere?”

 

Sehun asks him one day while they are leisurely watching a movie which is a bit too boring for both of them. Sehun must have noticed that Luhan too has started to get bored and that’s the reason why he offers to take him out. It doesn’t take a minute for Luhan to make his decision and agree to go out with Sehun because frankly, he has been curious about the world outside of their home. Is it any different from the South Korea in his universe?

 

Turns out, it’s not. Everything is still the same, Even the bubble tea shop that he and Sehun used to frequently visit is still there. Luhan wants to go there but he’s too much of a coward to ask Sehun for it. It doesn’t feel right to demand something from Sehun. However, he is greatly surprised when Sehun drags him by the hand and they are heading toward the bubble tea shop. Giving him a gentle smile, Sehun shifts his head towards Luhan’s direction.

 

“Let’s go get our favorites, Lu?”

 

 

※※※

 

 

 

The day is going great for both of them. Luhan finds himself going back to his old self; the Luhan that was living a carefree life and more importantly, loving Sehun. It feels like coming home. When Luhan sees Sehun smiling happily because of him and with him, he feels that sheer happiness that no one else but Sehun can bring. They spend the day strolling around and making silly jokes with each other and when Sehun leans forward to press his lips on Luhan’s, Luhan can’t help but think that maybe he has no problems in staying with Sehun in this universe.

 

 

 

※※※

 

 

 

“Lu”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Are we truly okay, now?”

 

Sehun and Luhan are laying on the bed, with Luhan playing with their interlocked fingers. He muses at the fact that Sehun’s hand is so much bigger compared to his but nonetheless, he likes the contrast. Hearing the question, he lifts his head that is resting on Sehun’s arm to look at Sehun properly.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Sighing, Sehun stretches his hand to give gentle strokes to Luhan’s cheek, marveling over the smoothness of the petite male’s skin.

 

“I mean, do you feel uncomfortable when I touch you? If I kiss you whenever I want to, is it okay? If I hug you whenever I feel like it, is it okay?”

 

Sehun stares at Luhan with that look which clearly shows that he fears a rejection. It brings warmth to Luhan’s heart knowing how much Sehun loves and respects him and he gives Sehun his brightest smile.

 

“Yes, Sehun. We are truly okay”

 

That answer brings smile to Sehun’s face before it turns cheeky and before Luhan can ask, he finds himself on top of Sehun with the latter’s arms wrapped protectively around his waist.

 

“Sehun, what -”

 

There is no talking for the rest of the night because Sehun clearly has no intentions in separating his lips from Luhan’s.

 

 

 

※※※

 

 

 

Their relationship has been great and Luhan is living his best life; loving Sehun and be loved by the same man in return.

 

 

※※※

 

 

Luhan could pretend that he is contented with just being with Sehun in this universe, He could pretend that he doesn’t miss his life in his original universe; specifically his little one named Ying. He could and he does just that but there are times where he finds it hard to go through a day without Ying and her infectious smiles. He misses his daughter.

 

He feels like a fool. A conflicted fool. A part of him wants to be with Sehun but another part of him yearns for his daughter. It seems to him that no matter who he wants to be with, there will always be someone or people that he has to lose. It is like a sick, cruel and twisted game and Luhan is the only player who gets to make the choices.

 

When Sehun looks at him with pure adoration, he finds himself getting weak in the knees. He loves this man, he loves him so much but is it right to be with Sehun when he already has a life of his own, in another universe?

 

Luhan thinks he is being slick, able to hide all of his inner dilemmas and conflicts to himself but what he doesn’t know is that Sehun notices everything that he does. He just chooses not to say anything.

 

 

※※※

 

 

 

Sehun and Luhan are having their weekly movie marathon and currently, Luhan is snuggling comfortably in Sehun’s arms on the couch. Sehun has always felt like home to him. Luhan is about to think that the day is going perfectly until Sehun drops a question that instantly makes his heart skip a beat.

 

“Lu, how was your life in the other universe?”

 

The time stops for Luhan as he turns frozen. H-how? For a moment, Luhan is unsure of what he should say. He is incapable of coming up with an answer. In fact, he feels blanked out. Sehun knows about him coming from another universe? He feels scared and ashamed at the same time, thinking about how he has been acting in front of Sehun all this time not knowing that the taller male knows about him.

 

Sehun lets out a tiny and he tucks a strand of Luhan’s hair behind his ear.

 

“You thought I didn’t know, did you?”

 

He whispers as he rests his gaze on Luhan’s face, eyes carefully seeking for Luhan’s. Luhan does not dare to look at Sehun in the eyes and when he feels his face being lifted up carefully with a finger, he closes his eyes because he fears Sehun’s outrage. Fear that Sehun would be mad at him for hiding things from him. Fear that Sehun would cast him out and he would be homeless; figuratively and literally.

 

“Lu, open your eyes”

 

With a gentle voice, Sehun tries his best to coax Luhan to open his eyes. Luhan shakes his head and when Sehun repeats the same thing but firmly this time, Luhan has no choice but to flutter his eyes opened. His lips quiver and his eyes are already teary but Luhan does not understand why Sehun is giving him a gentle smile.

 

“I thought I was dreaming. The morning when you woke up and your big doe eyes were looking directly at me, Lu”

 

There’s a few seconds of silence after the statement and Luhan can feel confusion arises inside of him. What is Sehun trying to say?  
“Your counterpart, the Luhan in this universe. He has passed away”

 

Wide-eyed and mouth agape, Luhan tries his best to catch Sehun’s words.

 

“W-what?”

 

Sehun rises slowly, bringing Luhan along with him and when they are properly seated on the couch, he continues;

 

“A month before you came here. He died in a car crash”

 

“S-sehun, what didn’t you tell me?”

 

“Well, why didn’t you tell me then, Lu?”

 

It feels like Luhan has been smacked in the face. Sehun is right. How dare he ask for honesty when he himself failed to be honest to Sehun?

 

“Lu, how did you get here?”

 

Luhan zeroes in his gaze on the Cartier bracelet that is still wrapped around his pale wrist and Sehun nods in understanding. Swallowing thickly, Luhan gives the bracelet gentle strokes while opening his mouth to explain.

 

“My daughter, Ying found it and I put it on. The next morning, I woke up in your arms. I thought I was dreaming too. I was wondering how did you get inside my room until you told me to look around and only then that I realized I was in your room and in a completely different universe”

 

“You have a daughter?”

 

“Yeah. She’s 7”

 

Sehun smiles and he stretches his hand to tap Luhan playfully on the nose.

 

“Does she look like you? Pretty like you?”

 

Luhan keeps his face expressionless but he feels rather annoyed that Sehun is more interested in talking about his life rather than the situation that they are currently in.

 

“Sehun, that’s not the topic here”

 

“Well, what do you want to know then?”

 

“Do you happen to have the Cartier bracelet as well?”

 

Sehun nods before getting up from his seat and gets inside his room. He comes out a few minutes later with a jewelry box in his hand. He throws it gently to Luhan’s lap.

 

“Open it”

 

And Luhan does. He opens it only to see two matching Cartier bracelets with one of them is perfectly identical to his. His mouth feels dry.

 

“I stopped wearing mine after Luhan passed away”

 

Sehun explains and there’s a pained look on his face that he tries to hide with a smile. Luhan feels his heart constrict at that.

 

“Are you mad at me, Sehun?”

 

“No, why would I be?”

 

Inching closer to caress Luhan’s face, Sehun places a gentle kiss on Luhan’s cheek.

 

“You’re just like him. Everything. At some point, I felt like I was treating you like a rebound. You look and act like him. I convinced myself to just look past it but the truth remains that you are not my Luhan. You are another Sehun’s Luhan”

 

Luhan bites on his bottom lip and he shakes his head slowly.

 

“Sehun and I are not together in the other universe. Ying is mine, Sehun. I was too much of a coward to fight for Sehun, for us. I followed my parents’ words and I married a woman”

 

Chuckling dryly, Sehun retracts his hand that was caressing Luhan’s cheek.

 

“So, even in your universe, Sehun and Luhan can’t be together”

 

The silence that fills the room after that is deafening. Both of them are trying to process the things being said. Luhan closes his eyes tightly as thoughts are swirling in his mind. Now, he is even more reluctant in leaving Sehun here, alone. Somehow, he feels responsible to mend Sehun’s broken heart. The Luhan in this universe has already left him, even if it isn’t his fault. Yet, Luhan feels like he has to make up for his and his counterpart’s mistake. If staying with Sehun can make him happy then Luhan will gladly do it.

 

He rises from his seat slowly and Sehun lifts his head in mild surprise, only to have Luhan plopping himself on his lap. He smiles softly at the action and pulling Luhan closer to him by the waist, he leans forward to breathe in Luhan’s scent as he buries his face in the smaller male’s neck.

 

“Sehun, I can stay-”

 

“Luhan, don’t”

 

The firmness in Sehun’s voice makes Luhan leave his sentence unfinished. He is about to say the same thing again before he feels the dampness on his neck. Luhan feels his heart ache painfully at the thought of Sehun crying. He stays there, not moving even slightly and just desperately hopes that Sehun finds comfort in hugging. The fact that the taller male is puling him even closer is a clear indication of it.

 

“I know what you wanted to say, Lu”

 

Luhan feels Sehun’s breaths on his neck and his voice is slightly hoarse.

 

“You want to stay”

 

Luhan nods and he is about to say something before he gets cut off again.

 

“But you can’t, Lu”

 

That causes Luhan to free himself from Sehun’s arms and standing in front of Sehun with disbelief written all over his face, he throws question after question to Sehun.

 

“What do you mean, I can’t?”

 

“Don’t you want me, Sehun?”

 

“Don’t you love me, Sehun?”

 

“Am I too different from your Luhan, I swear I can -”

 

“Luhan”

 

Luhan feels himself shaking from all the emotions and the commanding voice that Sehun has at the moment. He does not understand why Sehun is pushing him away.

 

“Don’t you miss, Ying? Can you just toss your daughter away, just like that and be with me? Can you, Lu?”

 

Sehun asks while his intense gaze is directed at Luhan and Luhan has never felt so helpless. He feels like he is back again to being himself 8 years ago. When he was asked to choose between Sehun and his parents. Now, he is asked to choose between Sehun and his daughter.

 

Sehun’s face softens and he lets out a smile, the remaining tears in his eyes drop slowly down his cheeks.

 

“You’re not the Luhan I know if you can let go of your daughter”

 

“But Sehun, I want to choose you, this time. And I, I don’t even know how to get back to my universe. I want to make it up to you, you deserve a happy ending in this universe”

 

“Luhan, there is nothing for you to make up for. This is not your fault or my Luhan’s fault”

 

Luhan bites on his lips as hard as he can to stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks but the more he holds them in, the more painful he feels in his chest. It feels like his chest is being pierced with hundreds of bullets and his heart is in pieces. Sehun gets up from his seat to walk over to Luhan, stretches his hand to wipe Luhan’s tears which are running down his cheeks.

 

“Lu, if you’re sad about us then just think like I do. That there are other universes out there where we are together. In another universe, you don’t have to make choices. You don’t have to choose between me or your family or your daughter. In another universe, I don’t lose you and you are still alive. In another universe, we don’t have to worry about judgments and other people’s opinions because we love and cherish each other without caring about them”

 

Luhan’s eyes are painfully red and soaked with tears. His chest tightens painfully and the ache, he can feel it all the way to his limbs. Everything hurts so much, he finds it hard to breathe. His vision is blurry but he can see Sehun’s tears fill his eyes and it hurts Luhan even more to see him hurting.

 

“But now, that universe isn’t the universe that we are living in. Right now, I am here, without you. And you are in your universe married to someone that is not me. Maybe, in another universe, we are laughing side by side. We are happy and we are together. But not here. Not in this universe. In this universe, I am having my bubble tea dates alone. I am making myself breakfast alone. I am still having that movie marathon weekly except that you’re not here to enjoy it with me. In this universe, I am choosing to set you free and go back to your family even though it hurts. Even though it kills me”

 

Luhan wraps his arms around Sehun’s neck and he presses his body against Sehun’s while hugging him with all his might. He curses the fate for being so cruel. He curses the society for being judgmental and most of all, he curses himself for not fighting for his love. Pulling Luhan away slightly from him and cupping Luhan’s face in between his larger hands, Sehun strokes Luhan’s wet cheeks with his thumbs;

 

“Nothing is my fault or your fault, Lu. Because you could have loved me forever. And maybe in another universe, I let you”

 

With that, he places a deep, gentle kiss on Luhan’s forehead. A kiss that conveys his deep feelings for the other man. That he cherishes and loves him forever even when they are not together.

 

 

※※※

 

 

Later that night, Luhan lies peacefully on the bed, his arm wrapped tightly around Sehun’s middle. He is fast asleep and Sehun can tell that he is emotionally and physically tired. His eyes are puffy and Sehun reaches for them, gently caressing the soft skin. Luhan was silent after the whole ordeal but Sehun knows that he is still thinking about staying. He knows Luhan.

 

They have agreed that Luhan can stay until they find a way for Luhan to go back to his original universe. Yet, unbeknownst to Luhan, Sehun might have just found the way for him to go back to his family. It would be a colossal lie to say that Sehun doesn’t want Luhan to stay. He wants, he badly wants it but when he thinks of Luhan’s daughter; Ying, he just can’t bring himself selfish enough to stop Luhan from leaving.

 

Life is really cruel. He has lost Luhan once and now he is going to lose him again. Losing his Luhan left a huge void inside of him. He couldn’t eat, he couldn’t sleep and he felt so so alone and the world had turned grey. He cried so hard that he ended up feeling numb and nothing else seemed to matter. Until this Luhan came into his life and again, he got to experience the happiness that he felt before. Sehun chuckles painfully, his gaze is on the bracelet wrapped around Luhan’s wrist. He reaches for it slowly unfastening it. When the bracelet is free from Luhan’s wrist, Sehun checks on Luhan to see if he is awake due to the minor intrusion but he is relieved to see that the deer-like male is still sleeping, snuggling deeper into him.

 

Leaning forward to gently leave a deep kiss on Luhan’s lips, Sehun lets his tears fall as he whispers the three words that he has always said to Luhan and meant it every single time.

 

“I love you.”

 

 

 

※※※

 

 

When Luhan wakes up the next day, he is expecting to feel Sehun’s body heat next to his, He expects to be in Sehun’s arms. Yet, when he wakes up, he finds himself face-to-face with Hui Yin. Jolting awake in panic, Luhan calls out for Sehun.

 

“SEHUN! OH SEHUN!”

 

Hui Yin’s eyes flutter open as she listens to her husband shouting so early in the morning.

 

“Luhan, what are you-”

 

She is left bewildered when she sees Luhan’s eyes are filled with tears and his body shakes due to the all the uncontrollable emotions. She follows his gaze and there, he sees the Cartier bracelet.

 

“He…..he let me go, he let me go. He should have let me know. Why is he so cruel?”, he speaks in a low voice and his tears fall as he hits his chest with his fist repeatedly.

 

“It hurts, Hui Yin I can’t breathe”

 

There is a sad look on Hui Yin’s face and reaching over to wrap her arms around Luhan, she lets him cry in her embrace. She knows. She has always known that Luhan’s heart has never been hers from the start.

 

 

 

※※※

 

 

 

True love comes naturally, it can never be forced. Hui Yin understands this much. Hence, she never chased Luhan’s attention and affection, completely contented with just having a family. Yet, when she saw Luhan crying his heart out that morning and looking very much in pain, she understood that all this time, Luhan had been living a lie with her. That man is clearly in love with someone else and even after years, he has never actually moved on from the said person. If Hui Yin continues to tie Luhan down to her, she would be no different than Luhan’s cruel parents who forced their son to marry her.She has made the decision and it is irreversible. She is setting Luhan free.

 

 

 

※※※

 

 

 

 

For weeks, Luhan has isolated himself from everyone except Ying. Hui Yin has filed for a divorce and Luhan does not even bother to question her about it. They agree that both of them will still be responsible and caring for Ying. There’s no point in continuing to live in a lie. He has been ignoring his parents too, refusing to answer their questions. He is tired. Of everything.

 

Luhan still thinks about Sehun. A lot of times in a day. He finds himself crying over him a couple of times as well. He is being true to his feelings and he unmasks his hidden emotions, pouring them all out. He feels aimless.

 

 

※※※

 

 

“Baba”

 

Luhan looks up and sees his little girl running up to him and he lets out a forceful smile when Ying settles on his lap. Surprisingly, the little one is coping quite well with the separation. Everything has been carefully explained and she seems to be okay with it, much to Hui Yin and Luhan’ surprise but they feel proud of themselves for raising such a smart daughter.

 

“Ying, how are you?”

 

“I’m good, baba. How are you?”

 

“I’m good too, I guess?”

 

Ying furrows her eyebrows at her father’s answer.

 

“Baba, do I make you sad?”

 

Luhan raises an eyebrow and he zeroes in his gaze on Ying.

 

“No, why would you think that?”

 

“Because baba looks sad!”

 

“Hmmm”

 

Feeling unsatisfied by her father’s answer, Ying lets out a tiny pout and her mind is actively contemplating something.

 

“Baba! We should do something that will make you happy!”

 

“Ying, I don’t think that will help”

 

“Well, if not something then what about someone?”

 

“Someone?”

 

“Yes! Like how you and mama make me feel happy”

 

Ying says with the brightest smile on her face that Luhan can’t help but return it even if his smile isn’t as bright as Ying’s.

 

“Ying, I don’t think he’ll want to meet me”

 

“Baba, is it a friend? Did you two fight? You can say ‘sorry’ and he will forgive you!”

 

Luhan lets out a sad smile and tucking a strand of Ying’s hair behind her ear, he places a gentle kiss on the little one’s forehead.

 

“It’s not that easy, Ying”

 

“Well, you never know until you try, right?”

 

 

 

 

 

※※※

 

 

 

 

Thanks to Ying and her persuasion skills, Luhan finds himself standing in front of Sehun’s apartment. He does not even know how he ends up here. The moment that he was convinced by her smart 7 year old daughter, he instantly booked a flight ticket to South Korea. To meet Sehun.

 

He does not even know if Sehun is still staying here. His train of thoughts gets interrupted when he hears footsteps coming toward him and when he turns around to look at the source of the sound, he finds himself face to face with the person that he is seeking for.

 

Oh Sehun.

 

The younger male still looks pretty much the same. He has definitely grown taller and his features have gotten more defined. He is still the same gorgeous man that Luhan fell for years ago and is still very much in love with until today. Luhan is dying to rush over and hug the daylights out of Sehun but he fears rejection. He has hurt the man so badly and honestly, he himself is not even sure if he deserving of a second chance.

 

Sehun notices him later on when he lifts his head after finding his house keys and eyes staring right at Luhan’s, Sehun keeps his face expressionless. Luhan chews on his lip, unsure of how he is going to start the conversation between them.

 

“Lu”

 

For the first time in years, Luhan hears his Sehun’s voice again and it feels great, especially when said voice is calling for his name. Sehun clears his throat and resting his gaze lazily on Luhan, he asks a question.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

Fidgeting nervously while playing with his fingers, Luhan tries his best to come up with something.

 

“I missed you”

 

Well, fuck that was not what he initially wanted to say. Luhan curses himself while trying hard to explain further.

 

“I mean, I came here to see you. I want to know how are you doing. It’s been a while, isn’t it?”

 

Chuckling awkwardly, Luhan rubs on his neck. This is harder than he thought.

 

Sehun shrugs his shoulders carelessly and jiggling his keys in his hand, he takes a few steps forward, clearly ready to get inside his apartment.

 

“Well, I’m doing great. You may go now”

 

Luhan feels his heart aching at the cold treatment even though he knows that he deserves it. As Sehun walks past him, Luhan feels as if everything is in slow motion. One step. Two steps. Three steps. Sehun is getting further and further away from him. Luhan shuts his eyes tightly and it is almost as if his body is working on autopilot but the next thing he knows, his fingers are wrapped tightly around Sehun’s wrist. Sehun’s steps come to a halt.

 

“What are you-”

 

“I can’t let you go without explaining my side of the story. I can’t Sehun. I can’t not fight for us, this time. I know I’m late and I hate myself for it and I am deeply sorry for hurting you but Sehun, I need you to know that there is never a day went by without me missing you and thinking about you”

 

Luhan lets everything out in one go and Sehun knows that he should resist, that he should not let Luhan into his life again but hearing the crack in Luhan’s voice, he cannot help but feel himself getting weak.

 

“Don’t you have a wife? A daughter?”

 

Luhan’s eyes widen at the revelation because it seems that Sehun is still keeping tabs on him.

 

“We are divorced. But how did you know-”

 

Sehun chuckles darkly and finally, there’s an expression on his face but it is sad and it pains Luhan to see it.

 

“Lu, you may have stopped caring about me but I never once stopped caring about you. I have and will always care about you”

 

“Sehun….”

 

Smiling sadly, Sehun puts his hand on top of Luhan and he slowly unwraps Luhan’s fingers around his wrist.

 

“Stop, Luhan. You and I are over. Our story has come to an end the moment that you decided to marry someone that is not me”

 

Slowly feeling tears filling up his eyes, Luhan shakes his head slowly but Sehun has already turned around and taking more steps forward.

 

“In this universe, I will never accept the fact that you and I are over, Oh Sehun!”

 

Luhan shouts, feeling helpless that Sehun keeps trying to walk away from him. Sehun stops dead in his tracks, His hand clutching on the keys until they hurt. Luhan’s lips tremble as tears are falling down from his eyes.

 

“In this universe, I should be yours and you should be mine. In this universe, you are my choice and the only person that I’ll want to marry willingly. In this universe, I do not want to be alone. I want to have bubble tea dates with you, make breakfast with you, sleep every night with you and stay in the same place as you. In this universe, we are together. Because I love you and you will let me”

 

Sehun flutters his eyes shut, feeling the droplets of tears rolling down his cheeks. It is unfair how easy it is for Luhan to make him feel weak, to want to surrender and to forgive and forget.

 

“Oh Sehun, please. I can’t lose you. Not in this universe. I love you. I love you so much”

 

When Sehun turns around and takes careful steps towards Luhan, Luhan can feel the upcoming rejection. This is it. He has hurt the man way too badly and their relationship can no longer be fixed. Taking a deep breath while closing his eyes tightly, Luhan readies himself for another heartbreak. Yet, he is surprised when he feels a gentle force against his lips and when he opens his eyes, he sees Sehun’s long eyelashes fluttering against his skin and he feels his heart bursting in sheer happiness.

 

Wrapping his arms around Sehun while tip-toeing to deepen the kiss, Luhan feels like he is being healed. All of the heartbreaks and the painful experiences are disappearing and Sehun is the reason why. When Sehun’s tongue seeks for permission to enter Luhan’s mouth, Luhan is more than wiling to open his mouth and moaning softly in pleasure at the way Sehun is dominating his body and his mind. Luhan misses kissing Sehun because the younger knows exactly how to leave him breathless. He kisses Luhan like he wants to strip him there and fuck him hard and yet as their tongues are dancing together, Luhan also feels the gentleness in Sehun’s kiss.

 

Later, when they separate due to the lack of air with Luhan whimpering at the lost contact, Sehun lets out a smile as he rubs his nose against Luhan’s.

 

“I love you so much too, Lu. Welcome home.”


End file.
